My One Shots
by Chuckling-Ghost
Summary: A simple collection of all my one shot ideas. If one happens to catch your eye that you'd particularly like to see made into a full story, please let me know in a review and I'll see what I can do. If not, please enjoy this collection of plot bunnies!
1. The New Kazekage

The New Kazekage

 _Special Thanks to EmpressofMelnibone for coming up with the basis for this AU!_

 _In this world it has been illegal for over a century in Nihon for any but samurai to carry weapons. Just over a decade ago, the country was shattered into a brutal civil war which has come to be known as the Onin War. Many predict that despite the peace that has settled in its wake, it will be the first of many. The Land of Fire dominated its foes in the Onin war largely thanks to its shinobi forces recruited from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Hidden Leaf had never disarmed and continued to train in secret defiance of the law for the day when their services would be called upon once again. When the call came, their forces, most notoriously the Uchiha who could summon and compel the spirits of the land to battle in addition to their own formidable abilities, bathed in the blood of those they were sent against. Now those who were bested by them are beginning to regroup and plot their vengeance. The Warring States Period has begun._

=Six Months After The End Of The Onin War, Village Hidden In The Sand=

Rasa bit his lip and gritted his teeth, snarling internally and chafing at every breath that escaped the blindfolded man beside him. He had a cheerful smile on his face as he rose though, "People of the Village Hidden in the Sand, please rise and join me in welcoming your new Kazekage, Mimasu Subete!" Many of Sand's people in attendance did not rise, but some did, and all raised their cups and drank heavily.

Rasa sat down, a flicker of dismay flitting across his face, even if he wasn't happy to be being kicked out of office, he had at least hoped the people of Sand would accept his replacement. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of his neck as the possibility of civil war within the village occurred to him, then he was distracted by Mimasu standing. Mimasu looked young, but he moved like an old man Rasa thought. Mimasu's young red haired attendant went to assist him, but Mimasu stilled her with a faint hand gesture as he rose.

Mimasu bowed his head as every eye in the room fell upon him, "Thank you Rasa for your warm welcome." Then he raised his head and spoke in a louder stronger voice, "People of The Village Hidden in the Sand, I know you are not fond of me. I am not one of your people and I do not expect you to just up and accept me as though I were. I know that not a single one of you would prefer me to Rasa for your Kazekage." He exhaled and then continued with a smile, "This is why I am naming Rasa my second in command while I am here. If I happen to die, Rasa will resume control of the Village Hidden in the Sand."

There were many stares and it was so quiet that the drop of a hat would've been as loud as a thunderclap. Mimasu waited and then snorted, "Just because you don't like the messenger doesn't mean you can't still cheer for good news." The roar of applause immediately following was deafening as Rasa stared at his plate in shock, not daring to look at the man who had just so boldly laid such a blatant trap. If anyone tried to kill him and they did not succeed, they would die. If Rasa wanted to stop them, he would have to turn down the position Mimasu had just appointed him to and lose whatever authority he still had!

After the applause died down Mimasu continued with a smile, "Now I know many of you are reaching for knives, garrotes and bottles of poison as you contemplate having your beloved Kazekage back in the position you placed him in, but before you go planning anything overly complicated, perhaps you would like to just try to kill me now? I am blind, infirm and unarmed," he spread his hands, "The Lord of Wind has agreed already that if I am killed the first night here then I am clearly not the right person for this job, so come now. Make your feelings known!"

A chill ran down the back of Rasa's spine, he _couldn't_ be this stupid! This was the man who had been the Lord of Wind's personal tactician! Surely he couldn't be trying to incite a riot bent on lynching him! A knife flew from the crowd and Mimasu caught it between clasped hands mere inches from his face. He casually flipped it through the air, catching it by the tip effortlessly before flipping it again, settling into an easy rhythm of deadly precision and control, "Anyone else?" he asked icily as everyone in the crowd stared at the unparalleled speed and precision that they had only ever seen before in one place...

Someone in the audience whispered in horror, "Uchiha..." and immediately found the knife between their hands, stuck quivering with its point buried an inch deep in the wood. Everyone leapt away from the knife like it was about to explode and Mimasu's voice carried a deadly chill, "Uchiha? Let me show you what _Uchiha_ will do to all of us if we cannot regain this Village's former strength..." He reached towards his blindfold and as it came off, the entire assembly gasped in horror. As Mimasu told them of how he lost his eyes all Rasa could think was, _"Thank the gods I left the children at home..."_

When Mimasu was done, the entire room was enthralled to his story and unable to tear their eyes from the horrible wreckage of his no matter how desperately they wanted to. Mimasu looked around with his sightless sockets and each and every person in the room felt as though those empty holes of burned flesh were staring into their very souls, "I have seen the horrors you will all face if you wish to continue calling yourselves shinobi," he said quietly, "and I would not force any of you to confront those horrors. This is why the Lord of Wind has sent me, he wants someone who has seen war to lead his warriors, so that you, the mighty shinobi of Sand, will not go into battle blind when we confront the horrors the Leaf brought upon us in the Onin War."

His scorched flesh cracked open and began to ooze blood as his face twisted into a savage grin, "We will fight my friends, and for our children and our homes, we will _crush them_. Who's with me?" Rasa bellowed along with all the others as the entire assembly erupted in a unanimous battle cry but inside he and every other Sand shinobi quaked a little, " _New guy's good..."_

=Meanwhile=

"You can't be serious Temari!" Kankuro protested desperately, "He's a samurai! Sent straight from the Lord of Wind! What do you think killing him will do?! The Lord of Wind will destroy us if his representative is killed!" Temari checked her hair in the mirror one more time and replied calmly, if a little irritably, "I'm not going to kill him Kankuro. I'm just going to persuade him to go the hell away, give Dad his job back, and never cross my path again if he wants to live." She lifted her fan and snapped it shut, the subtle clink of the razor sharp ends of the fans ribs that could slice as well as any knife giving away its true purpose as a weapon to those listening closely enough to hear it.

Kankuro pointed at it, "Well what're you taking that for?!" he demanded. He suddenly found it under his chin and Temari's glare was as cold and merciless as the steel points of her fan, "If he won't listen to sweet," A vicious glint entered her eye, "I'll just have to get sharp with him." Kankuro recoiled in horror, "Temari please!" A small voice suddenly spoke from the door, "Temawi?" there was a tiny heart wrenching cough, "Kankur?" Temari's fan disappeared up her sleeve in an instant and she smiled warmly as she walked over to her baby brother and swept him up in a warm hug, "What is it Gaara?"

"I had a bad dweam," Gaara said quietly, "I'm scared." Temari hugged him close, "Don't worry Gaara, it was just a dream. You want me to sing to you?" Gaara nodded and Temari held him a little tighter, "Okay, come on."

Half an hour later Temari stood in the doorway looking at her beloved brothers tiny form wrapped all in sheets, "Don't you see Kankuro?" she said quietly, "If I don't get Dad his job back we won't," she choked back a sob, "Gaara..." Kankuro laid a bear like hand on her shoulder, "Yeah. I know." He turned her around and bent down slightly to look her in the eye, "You come back safe alright? Don't do anything reckless. And dry up," he added with the wry grin she knew and loved, "Your make-up's gonna run." Temari wiped her eyes and smiled back at him, "Alright." Kankuro nodded, "Good, now get going. I'll watch him."

=Later That Night=

Mimasu smiled as he strode confidently down the hall and Karin smiled at him, "That was brilliant Lord Mimasu! Blind and infirm, I can't believe they actually bought that! Even without your eyes you still see better than anyone!" Mimasu chuckled, "Perhaps not better than _any_ one Karin, your own eyes are sharp as well." Karin blushed furiously and then the blush faded as her eyes widened and she whispered, "Do you...?" "Sense her? Yes I see her. Quite an impressive chakra she has, very powerful wind user," Mimasu breathed. "That's Rasa's daughter," Karin hissed, "What does she want?"

"Probably her father's job back if I had to guess, she wasn't at the feast, she must not know his position hasn't truly changed." "Should we set her straight?" Karin asked. Mimasu paused as they reached Karin's room, which was right next to his, "No, I will speak with her, and if she is amiable she will be fine." "It's not her I worry about," Karin muttered. Mimasu turned and caught her chin with a grin, "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Karin scrunched up her face and glared at him, "You know perfectly well what! You're my patient, I have to take care of you, not send you off to your death!" Mimasu chuckled and hugged her, "Have some faith Karin, listen through the walls if it will calm your nerves, but please, let me handle this one. You had misgivings about my speech, but look how well that turned out. Trust me Karin, I won't let myself die. I still have too much to do." Karin blushed, "Alright," she grumbled, "but you had better live through this or I swear I'll drag you out of the afterlife just so I can send you back myself." Mimasu chuckled even harder, "I know Karin, I know." Karin nodded into his shoulder and then pulled away before stepping into her room and closing the door gently behind her.

Mimasu gently opened his own door, putting on his blind and infirm act again, no need to let her know he was on to her. He felt his way over towards the bed and then from there he reached out and tried to grope around for the trunk he had brought his things in. He found it after a moment and opened it. Temari watched silently from the bed, she had been still as stone since he had come in. She hadn't realized he was blind, and now she had a slight twinge of doubt about her earlier rage at him, surely he wouldn't strip her father of his position entirely, he'd need someone to assist him right? She made a note of that to bring up when he realized she was there.

Mimasu found what he was looking for and pulled out a robe. Temari blushed, was he about to... then as Mimasu undid his belt and shed his top she couldn't stop a little gasp from escaping her. The massive intricate tattoo spread across his back was unmistakably the mark of a shinobi. Suddenly Mimasu whirled to face her, katana in hand, "Who's there?" Temari froze and then thought quickly, "Just a little present from the Village sir," she said innocently as she readied her fan to drop to a ready position and fed her chakra into her own tattoo in case he didn't believe her. Mimasu sheathed his blade, "Well you should've knocked," then he smiled as he turned and placed the blade back in the trunk, "but it is rude to look a gift in the mouth, and I'm sure you would've killed me when I came through the door if that's what you were here for, so I'll let it slide this time."

"You have quite a sweet voice," he continued, "I wish I could see the face that goes with it." He pulled on his night robe and walked over to the bed before climbing into it and lying down next to her. "You'll have to forgive me if I lie down, it's easier for me to do so." He smiled over at her, "So who are you Miss Present?" Temari dragged her finger tips down his bare chest gently, "I'm Temari." Mimasu's brows furrowed, "Isn't that the name of..." "Rasa's daughter?" Temari supplied as her nails started to scratch across Mimasu's skin on their way downward.

Mimasu nodded, "Ah, I knew Rasa bore me no hard feelings after the banquet this evening, but I never dreamed he'd eep..." The "eep..." was in response to Temari suddenly having him quite literally by the balls and something very sharp against his throat. Temari could tell Mimasu blinked in confusion behind his blindfold, "What are you doing?" "Giving you a chance to give my father his job back, and get out of our village," Temari told him sweetly.

Mimasu smiled, "Why Temari, whatever makes you think Rasa needs his old jo-ahhh!" Temari dug her nails in and pressed the blade a little harder against his throat, "My baby brother is dying you scum, if we can't afford a healer he'll die. I'm not letting that happen!" Mimasu tilted his head to the side, "Ah, I see. That is why Rasa was so upset." "Yes," Temari said softly. "Well then," Mimasu folded his hands across his stomach, "My assistant Karin is one of the finest healers in the Land of Wind. I shall have to get her to take a look at little Gaara."

Temari raised the blade slightly away from his throat and Mimasu continued, "And you need not fret. I am sure you had your reasons to not attend the feast this evening, but if you had then you would know Rasa's position to be largely unchanged. I named him my second in command this evening." Temari's blade shot back up into her sleeve and she let go of him as she sat back, slightly embarrassed, "Oh." Mimasu smiled gently at her, "Your dedication to your family is quite admirable, and your reasons for attacking me were just, so I will not hold this against you." Temari blinked and then realized what she had just done, the red haze that had been clouding her sight for a week finally clearing away.

She opened her mouth to apologize as panic started to set in and Mimasu sat up, gently laying a finger to her lips, somehow looking right at her even though he was blind, "Shhh. I have already forgiven you." His hand slid across her cheek, "You are very beautiful Lady Temari." Temari blushed, she had just threatened to kill him and now he was, _complimenting her?_ Then his hand slid down to her shoulder and his fingertips rested atop the edge of her tattoo, sending little ripples through her chakra as he touched it through the cloth, "Now why don't you tell me about yours, and I'll tell you about mine."

Temari blinked as she realized he had just commented her looks, "Wait, you just called me beautiful, can you, _see me?_ " Mimasu shrugged off his robe and gestured to his tattoo, "I guess I'll go first." He turned slightly away from her so that she could get a good look, "After I lost my eyes, Karin found me. She took me to the ruins of a shinobi village behind a waterfall to recover. While we were there, we explored and found many shinobi tattoos in the ruins. This one was in a vault which Karin was able to break open. Do you see the face?" Temari gently touched the face inscribed on his back, it was in one of four circles, the only one that was full, "What is it?" Mimasu smiled, "That is the face of the man who took my eyes from me."

Temari's hand flinched away from it, "What?" Mimasu chuckled slightly, "Well you see this is something of a gruesome power I have. It is called the Earth Grudge Fear, it was a forbidden technique, a very powerful one. We suspect the one that destroyed the waterfall village was using this technique. You see by ripping my enemy's hearts out, I can prolong my own life indefinitely, and even survive mortal wounds by sacrificing one." Temari strongly considered backing away in horror, "What?"

Mimasu nodded, "Yes, quite a nasty power, after learning what it did I could see why it was forbidden. I needed it to take my revenge though, and after Karin helped me gain this power, I hunted down the Uchiha that took my eyes and slaughtered my friends. When I finally caught up to him..." the eyes of the dead man's face suddenly snapped open, revealing two blood chilling crimson Sharingans. After Temari got all the screaming out, Mimasu closed the eyes on his back and turned to look at her, "I took his eyes as payment for mine, along with his heart to avenge the comrades he killed."

"The villagers already know, I told them at the feast. They seemed quite delighted to have such a formidable leader," he continued as he undid his blindfold, revealing the Sharingans that had just been in his back peeking out of the ruined flesh around his eyes, "So fret not. I'm on your side, and there are very few eyes sharper than mine to keep watch." Temari was backed against the wall trembling. Mimasu frowned stood up and walked over to her. He didn't say anything as she tried to find a way around him to escape the monster in front of her. He just casually scooped her up and carried her over to the bed.

She scrabbled away from him as he sat down, "Calm down Temari, I'm not going to hurt you." Temari finally found her voice, "You're a monster..." she said quietly. Mimasu chuckled, "No, if I were a monster I'd tie you down, have my wicked way with you, steal your heart and powers, and then go back on my word to help Gaara. I am not a monster though, and I shall not do any of those things."

Temari cringed as he laid down, "I'd still like to hear more about you if you don't mind sharing. Karin's already gone to help Gaara, and I know she will be able to help him. So please, don't be alarmed. Stay, and tell me about yourself. I wish to know the strengths of this village, and you are one of its strongest assets. I need to know what you can do." The tension eased ever so slightly from Temari's muscles as he stroked her ego, and then she nodded, "Okay, let's talk."

==The Next Morning==

Temari's eyes snapped open and she looked down. She knew immediately what must have happened, but her memory was hazy, who... "You're awake," Mimasu smiled into her hair. Temari shrieked as she sprang from the bed and covered herself. Temari snatched her clothes from the bed as Mimasu smiled at her, "That was a fun wicked way to have." Temari flinched and then stared as Mimasu caught her hand, "So, marry me?" "NO!" Temari shrieked as she leapt away from him, covering herself as quickly as she could. Mimasu howled with laughter, "I'm just teasing you Temari, nothing happened. Check for yourself if you don't believe me!"

Temari's jaw dropped, then she ordered him to turn around and cover his back before checking. She blinked and then flushed crimson with embarrassment as she realized he had in fact just been teasing her. "You, you," she couldn't even think of a name strong enough to call him, so instead she settled for slapping his back. He yelped like he had been scalded and sprang away as she sat down on the bed in a huff, "asshole." Mimasu grinned over his shoulder at her, "Karin came in after you passed out. Gaara's just fine, she patched him up good as new."

Temari's head snapped up as she remembered why she had come to see Mimasu and a smile broke out across her face. She shot a glare over her shoulder as she dressed, "You ever tell anyone about this and I will kill you." Mimasu raised his hands innocently, "I won't tell a soul Temari."

 **AN: This is a one-shot. Therefore, this story will not be continued without tremendous support. HOWEVER, with the exception of Karin (and even she shows up eventually), the characters all appear in my other fics** _ **Naruto: Fractured**_ **and** _ **Naruto Vermillion Thunder**_ **. They have different roles, but if you want more, that's where to go.**


	2. Destiny in Deep Winter

"Destiny" in Deep Winter

To say Naruto was feeling down this particular evening would have been an understatement. They had just failed _again_ to catch Sasuke, and this time they had been so close he could practically feel his fist connecting to the teme's head and latching onto his collar to drag the baka back to the village. To make matters worse, it was one of _those_ days in Konoha. _If anything,_ Naruto thought bitterly as he trudged through the snow, _it's the absolute worst of all. Except for Fox-chasing Day. Fox-chasing Day will forever be the worst, no exceptions._ _Stupid Match Making Day…_

Match Making Day was a tradition that had been brought to Konoha by the First Hokage's wife, Naruto's great aunt (not that he knew that at the time). It was an event invented for the sake of maintaining a high shinobi population, most hidden villages had systems or events similar to it. In Konoha though, this particular event had become something of a holiday devoted to love and romance after the First Hokage had fallen in love with his wife during the event.

It was a very simple event, all shinobi on the active duty roster, even the Hokage, had their names put into a kunai pouch. One third of the names were then drawn and placed into a second pouch by the Hokage. Then the Hokage would draw one more name from the first pouch, and that person would do the rest of the drawing. Once the drawer had been declared, they would draw names from the pouch in pairs, and a council of clan hereditarians and med-nin would declare the pair either suitable mates or not. If a pair was deemed suitable, then with much joyful jeering and jostling from their fellows the two shinobi would be thrown together like so much loose firewood and sent on a date mandated by village law to see if they could get along well enough to possibly eventually get married and have children. Those already in relationships could ask for permission to not if their partner or someone to vouch for their relationship was present, and if someone was too sick to go on a date or out of the village at the time they were excused, but there were no exceptions otherwise.

The reason Naruto was particularly sour about this day which most were exuberant and delighted about was the same reason he was sour about most other holidays in Konoha: He was excluded. Constantly. Every festivity, every party, every… _anything_ really, he was excluded, and he saw no reason for this to be any different. _Except for Fox-chasing Day,_ he grumbled in his head, _I'm the star of THAT show._ He took a deep breath and sighed as he looked up at the rough gray skies dumping drifting snow flurries down on the village, _Who knows? Maybe Granny Tsunade will get my name in the pouch and I'll get a date with Sakura-chan?_ The little pessimistic voice in his mind leered, _The same Sakura-chan who was still more upset over the fact that we lost Sasuke again than the fact that my arm got broken by that missing-nin?_ Naruto grimaced, _Yeah, that Sakura. She did patch me up really good though, I'm not even stiff anymore._

He sighed, _Oh who am I kidding? There's no way my name will get drawn…Why should I even go to the Tower Square?_ He stopped and frowned, _You know what? I'm not going. I'll go get some ramen instead._ He turned and stormed off towards Ichiraku. He didn't even notice the sad little sigh from behind a nearby fence as Hinata watched him go with her Byakugan before proceeding on with the rest of the Hyuga clan.

==Half An Hour Later==

Naruto twitched as the tremendous voice of Might Guy boomed through the village, _Who let Bushier-Brow Sensei have a microphone?!_ "SHINO ABURAME AND MIDORI BAGU! WHERE ARE SHINO AND MIDORI?!" Naruto growled and Ayame smiled sympathetically. Then a few minutes later, they both jumped as Guy thundered, "LADY HOKAGE AAAAAND…" Just as Tsunade's voice echoed through the streets, "WHAT?!" Guy declared the second name, "JIRAIYA!" The following victory shout deafened Naruto and rattled the whole village.

When Naruto finished cursing his Sensei's volume, he shook his head to try and get the ringing out of his ears and then smiled in the direction of Tower Square, "Good for you Pervy-Sage, you finally got her." Then his head snapped up, "Wait a minute, if Pervy-Sage finally got a date with Granny Tsunade, then it's a day for the impossible! Maybe I'll get a date with Sakura-chan!" He slapped some money down on the counter and took off with a plume of snow in his wake.

==Three Hours Later==

Naruto sat down on an ice-encrusted bench as the crowd dispersed. Neither his or Sakura's names had been drawn. Bushy-brow and Tenten had been sent off together and several Hyuga's had been called, including Neji with a blonde who Naruto had honestly thought was pretty cute, and a young woman with coal black hair who had absolutely pounced the pointy eared shinobi she'd been assigned to before said pointy-ears grew wings and flew away with her laughing as a bunch of old Hyuga's cursed and stomped their feet.

Hinata had been sent off with Shikamaru of all people, and Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei had gone as well, both blushing and pretending they didn't care and were only going to supervise their students. A very flustered Iruka-sensei had been tied up and dragged away by the madly cackling form of Anko-sensei, and Shizune-neechan had gone off with Kakashi-sensei. There were a lot of other people called, a third of the shinobi in Konoha, but those were the only ones Naruto knew.

Naruto sighed and slumped on the bench, "Who was I kidding thinking my name would get drawn?" Then someone sat down next to him, "You too huh?" Naruto looked over and saw Ino sitting next to him, her elbows propped on the seat back and her legs crossed as she leaned back and looked up at the sky from under her little white knitted cap with a flower on it. She had her hair down and it was flowing down over her shoulders framing her face very nicely Naruto thought. Naruto sat up slightly, "Oh hi Ino, were you hoping to get called too?"

Ino snorted with a slight smile, "Yeah, I guess I'll always be a little bit of a romantic. It may be silly, but surely I'm not the only girl who dreams of getting the perfect man on Match Making Day." Then she smiled, "And hey, today proves that dreams like that can come true. Jiraiya-sama and Tsunade-sama finally got together, at least for today," she added with a slight smile. "Iruka-sensei finally got the date he's always wanted with Anko-sensei and he didn't even have to muster up the nerve to ask her out, Asuma-sensei and Kurenai-sensei got a date even though they're in denial… even Yumiko and Hatsumei got together!"

Naruto blinked, "Who?" "Yumiko Hyuga and Hatsumei Fukusei," Ino explained, "The girl that was with the guy who flew off with her that all the Hyuga Elders were so angry about? Those two have been the sweetest couple for years but they've never been able to be official because the Hyuga Clan refuses to let any of their members date a Fukusei. Now that it's been effectively made a direct order from the First Hokage by virtue of being called on Match Making Day, they can't say or do a thing about it." Naruto blinked, "Wow, really? Why won't those old guys let anybody date a Fukusei?" Ino looked at him as though he were slightly dense, "Naruto, the Fukusei are one of the most infamous clans in Konoha. Everyone knows they steal clan secret jutsu and can render any kekkai genkai obsolete if they're allowed to marry into a clan with one."

Naruto gaped, "What?! They can do that?!" Ino sighed, "Yes Naruto, they can do that. They only get away with it because they're the village's failsafe against losing kekkai genkai. They married into the Hyuga and Uchiha Clans way back when the village was founded, that's why the Sharingan and Byakugan became so common instead of being rare or dying out like the First Hokage's Wood Release."

Then she frowned, "What were we talking about? I've completely forgotten." Naruto thought about it, "Ah…I think we were talking about dreams coming true or something." Ino smiled, "Right." Then she sat forward, "Well, maybe next year." She rose to leave and then Naruto caught her hand, "Wait." Ino turned to look at him in surprise and saw he was smiling at her, "Would you… maybe like to go get something to eat?"

Ino blinked in shock and then smiled gently, "I'm sorry Naruto. I'm flattered you would ask me, but I know you've still got it bad for Sakura. To tell you the truth, I think you'd treat her better than Sasuke, and I don't want to take your affection from her. She'll open her eyes and see you one day Naruto, I know she will." She smirked, "After all you've done for her, she's a fool to have not seen how much you love her already. Go ask her out Naruto, I know you were hoping to hear her name with yours today." Naruto blinked in surprise, he would never have expected that from Ino.

Then she smiled up at the sky, "Who knows? Maybe she'll even say yes. I know she was feeling kind of down in the dumps when I saw her earlier, why don't you go cheer her up?" Then she looked away and blushed slightly, "If she says no, come try me again. I'd love to have somebody look at me the way you look at he-r?!" Choji had crept up behind her and held some mistletoe over her head before kissing her on the cheek. Ino stared at him, "Choji?!"

Choji smiled, "So all I have to do is look at you with nothing but love in my eyes?" Ino's jaw dropped as she realized he already was, "CHOOOJIII!" Choji grinned from ear to ear and caught Ino with open arms as she pounced and kissed him. By the time they came up for air, Naruto was gone.

==Twenty Minutes Later==

"Hey Sakura-chan!" Naruto called as he ran up, "Wanna go get some ramen?" Sakura turned an over the shoulder glare on him, "Naruto." Naruto tried to skid to a stop and fell flat on his butt as he slipped on the ice. He looked up at Sakura in shock as he took in the cold look on her face. _She looks like Fox-chasing Day came early…_ Naruto thought with horror as she crossed her arms and glared at him, "What do you want? Can't you see I'm on a date?"

The white haired young man next to her who Naruto had just noticed was observing him with a quirked eyebrow and Naruto felt something in his heart break as he realized she was in fact, on a date. With someone else. "Oh," Naruto said quietly, "um, no, sorry. I didn't realize." He got back to his feet, "Sorry, I'll, I'll go. Um, h-have a nice time, I guess…" He turned and trudged off.

A few minutes later, Naruto felt an arm drape itself around his shoulder. He looked up and saw the white-haired guy that had been with Sakura walking alongside him, grinning ruefully, "Shiro Sarutobi, Lord Third's grandson. Konohamaru's told me a lot about you. Thanks for showing up when you did Naruto, I was about to waste time and money on that b****. Don't even try to say she's not one Naruto, nobody even remotely respectable treats their teammates like that. If you've got a crush on _that_ my friend, then come with me, we need to introduce you to some _real_ ladies."

==Over Two Hours Later==

Naruto found himself cheerful. The company Shiro had led him to was delightful. He hadn't realized Hokage-jiji had had so many grandkids, but Shiro had wasted no time in introducing him to three of the Sarutobi Clan's loveliest, all three granddaughters of the Third Hokage. Shiro's twin sister Shirahoshi was the eldest, and like Shiro she was two years older than Naruto, but Mito and Biwako were both a year younger. Mito had reddish hair and Biwako had chocolatey brown, and they were both extremely playful, flirty, and as Naruto had quickly discovered, absolutely wonderful fun to be around.

He had quite lost his sense of time as he drank and played cards and laughed with the Sarutobi clan. He had no idea how Konohamaru had managed to stand on his head while half drunk as part of the game, or when he had arrived, or why they were drinking, but he was certain that this was the most fun he'd had on a holiday in…ever.

Then there was a knock at the door. Shiro, who was apparently exceptionally skilled at holding his liquor, rose and went to open the door before yelling, "Naruto! It's for you!" Naruto rose wobbling and staggered over to the door, "Oh hey Pervy-Shage, hi Kakashi-shenshei, what'sh, what'sh up? *hic*"

Jiraiya and Kakashi looked at him in utter mortification, then Jiraiya laid a hand on Naruto's head and all the alcohol exited Naruto's body in the most rapid and in a lot of cases unpleasant ways possible. As the haze immediately lifted from Naruto's mind, Jiraiya suddenly snatched him up, yanked his clothes off him in one incredibly swift motion, jammed a fresh jumpsuit over Naruto's head and put fresh pants on him in an instant and bounced away with Naruto flapping along in the breeze behind him like a kite, "Come on kid! No time to explain!" Naruto vaguely noted that Kakashi was bouncing along behind him with Shiro somehow flying behind Kakashi and struggling to shake off the effects of the alcohol.

A few moments later, Jiraiya set him down and handed him a breath mint before quickly doing everything he could to smooth the wrinkles from Naruto's jumpsuit, "Eat this kid, straighten up, look presentable, you're about to meet a village leader." Naruto stared at him, "What?" Jiraiya ran his fingers back and forth through his hair, "GAAAH I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CAME BACK TO HAUNT ME AFTER ALL THIS TIME!"

Then he took a deep breath to calm down, before grabbing Naruto's arm and towing him along down the street, "Walk and talk. Ok, here's the deal, about thirty years ago I was traveling okay? So I went to this all female ninja village I had heard about to do some research. They took offense, I ran away, you know the drill." "Yeah no kidding," Naruto grumbled as he recalled the many _many_ times similar events had occurred over the course of their two years training together.

"So anyway," Jiraiya continued, "I thought I had gotten away when all of a sudden their leader caught up and challenged me to a duel. She offered to marry me if I won and wouldn't take a polite refusal for an answer, so we fought and eventually I managed to talk her down before the fight was decided because I love Tsunade-hime, but to talk her out of it I had to cut a deal. One day my student and her student would seek each other out and finish the fight, same rules. I thought surely she would've sent a student way before now, but she's only just now sent one, and it's their village's new leader! She's hell-bent on fighting you to see if you're strong enough for her to marry or not!"

"Is she cute?" Shiro asked as he clutched his throbbing forehead. "Gorgeous," Kakashi replied. Shiro nodded, "I'm not one for hitting girls, but go kick that fine a** and get the girl Naruto! It's matchmaking day, your sensei just set you up with _holy cow is that her?!_ " Shiro's eyes turned into hearts as he looked up ahead past Jiraiya.

A girl who Naruto had to agree was absolutely gorgeous turned to look at them as they walked up. Her hair was long, straight, silky and jet black. She had it pulled up in a high pony tail except for her bangs which framed her face, and her eyes were an even prettier green than Sakura's. Naruto couldn't tell much about her figure beneath her long white cloak, but if it were as pretty as her face, then he knew it was utterly drool-worthy.

Jiraiya pulled Naruto forward and pushed him towards the beautiful girl and her companion, "Ladies, my student. The one and only Naruto Uzumaki." "Konoha's number one unpredictable hyperactive knucklehead ninja," Kakashi added with a helpful grin. "Senpai to the Third Hokage's grandson," Shiro declared in reference to Konohamaru.

"Best guy I know!" Iruka called as he ran by clad in what they hoped was more than the large metal garbage can that he'd apparently gone through head first. As everyone stared after the teacher wearing a garbage can like a poncho and an old paper bag like a hat, an irate Anko came skidding out of the building behind him clad in nothing but an open robe that revealed that she had very _very_ little on under it, "GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME BABIES!"

As Anko chased Iruka off down the street, everyone who saw them sweat dropped. The gorgeous girl cleared her throat and turned back to Naruto before bowing, "Good evening. I am Shizuka of Nadeshiko Village. If you are the student Jiraiya-sama has selected to represent him, then I am here to request that you face me in a duel and marry me if you win."

Naruto's mind was still racing to catch up, "Wait, like, now?" Shizuka blinked, "It's my destiny to face you, whether or not that ends in our union will be determined by the skills of our teachers." Naruto thought for a moment, "Ah, this is all really sudden. Marriage? This can't be real!" "It's not sudden," Shizuka's bodyguard declared, "It was decided years ago, and I assure you it is quite real." Jiraiya cleared his throat, "The marriage wouldn't be immediate right? Just the betrothal? Naruto is quite important to Konoha, we'd have to do some negotiating to make the marriage work."

Shizuka looked at him curiously and her bodyguard frowned, "Negotiating?" Jiraiya nodded, "Yes, we can't just send Naruto off to Nadeshiko full time." "Haven't you heard?" Kakashi asked with a grin, "He's going to be Hokage." Shizuka nodded as her bodyguard opened her mouth to say something, "A political marriage is still a marriage, and if he is strong enough to be Hokage then he should have no problem proving strong enough to be my husband."

Naruto twitched, "Don't I get any say in this?" "Not really," Jiraiya told him bluntly. Shiro laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder, "Sure you do Naruto, say 'yes please'. Trust me, I don't think you'll regret it at all." Naruto glared at him, "That's not helping!" Shizuka frowned at him, "Is there an issue?" "Yes there's an issue!" Naruto exploded, "Just because this pervert made a careless promise when he got caught peeping I have to get married?! This is so messed up! I'm sure you're a very nice girl and you're absolutely beautiful, but we still don't know each other at all!"

Then Might Guy suddenly boomed from behind them, "NARUTO UZUMAKI AND SHIZUKA FROM NADESHIKO VILLAGE!" Naruto jumped half out of his skin, "GYAH!" Then Tsunade stepped forward, clearly fresh from drinking with a big smile, "Naruto! Hokage's orders! You will participate in the Match Making Day festivities by going on a date with Shizuka, then have a fight tomorrow afternoon, we will provide the arena and even a crowd if you want one Lady Shizuka. Naruto," Tusnade drew very close to Naruto and suddenly cranked out enough killing intent that Naruto almost soiled himself, "Hokage's orders: WIN. This is a very important alliance riding entirely on you. Scerw this up and you'll have nothing but D-rank, no, I will invent and give you _E_ -rank missions for the rest of your life and pass a law so that you can get nothing above a D-rank and keep you from leaving the village ever again."

Naruto shrank in horror, "But, but, that…" Tsunade grinned evilly, "I'll even go a step beyond that. I'll do the one thing to make your life a living hell beyond anything you can imagine!" If Naruto had shrunk before he dwindled away to nothing now, "What?" he squeaked. "NARUTO UZUMAKI AS HOKAGE I HEREBY DECREE THAT IF YOU LOSE TOMORROW'S MATCH OR FAIL TO GO THROUGH THE FOLLOWING BETROTHAL IF YOU WIN, _RAMEN WILL BE COMPLETELY OUTLAWED WITHIN THE BORDERS OF KONOHA!_ " Tsunade declared loudly. Naruto almost fainted in horror.

Shizuka's mouth twitched upward in a faint smile and she bowed to Tsunade, "Thank you for your assistance Lady Tsunade." Tsunade smiled, "You're quite welcome. I have a lot of friends in Nadeshiko, I'm quite happy to strengthen ties with your village. If you marrying the bright orange wonder here will do that, then I say more power to you." Shizuka smiled, "Thank you Lady Tsunade."

Jiraiya grinned, "Now Naruto, I'm sure you remember the stakes, so you had better go get to know your future bride." "You seem remarkably certain that Lady Shizuka will lose," the bodyguard who Naruto soon learned was named Tokiwa, noted. Kakashi smiled, "You've clearly not met Naruto if you think he'll lose. On his first C-Rank mission he was instrumental in the defeat of Zabuza Momochi of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, as well as Zabuza's equally formidable accomplice. He has also taken on Orochimaru of the Sannin as well as several members of the infamous Akatsuki, and myself alongside his various teammates, and he's the long time rival of the infamous Sasuke Uchiha. When Naruto decides a battle is important, there's no stopping him from winning, and Lady Hokage just threatened his ramen. He won't lose."

Shizuka smiled slightly, "Then I am ensured a challenging fight if nothing else." Naruto finally managed to recover from his shock and horror, "Oh you better be ready! I'll beat you for the sake of ramen!" Shizuka shed her cloak to reveal the armor beneath and slid into a stance, "You're as eager as I am, why wait?" Naruto's gaze flicked to Tsunade who inhaled to refuse, thought about it and then smirked, "Go ahead. Just keep in mind what you're-" "SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!"

The fight was over very quickly. Shizuka did well. She managed to pop almost half the Shadow Clones before the other half buried her in a massive dogpile over fifty Narutos strong and a dozen more prepared Rasengans. Jiraiya raised his hand, "Three, two, one! Time's up! Winner, Naruto!" Tokiwa gaped and then nodded, "I must agree." "ALL RIGHT!" The Naruto pile chorused before disappearing to reveal a very stunned looking Shizuka lying flat on her stomach squashed through the foot thick layer of snow into the street below. The original Naruto pulled her upright and caught her when she almost slipped on the icy street, "Sorry about that, but you did come looking for a fight."

Then he frowned in confusion, as a blushing Shizuka told him, "You can let go now." _Wait a minute…_ He squeezed slightly with his left hand and immediately turned beet red as he realized ribs were not that soft and Jiraiya howled with laughter, "THAT'S MY BOY!" Tsunade face palmed, Shiro cackled, Kakashi clapped, and Tokiwa thought with horror, _Oh god I've just married Lady Shizuka off to a complete pervert from a village of lunatics…_ Naruto had caught Shizuka's breast by mistake when he caught her.

Naruto sprang back immediately, "OH! I'm so sorry I didn't mean to!" Shizuka blinked at him, still blushing lightly as she took in his embarrassed bordering on mortified face, and then a small _snerk_ sound escaped her as the corner of her mouth twitched up, then a snort, then a smile broke out over her face and she started laughing. Tokiwa gaped, _that's the first time I've heard her laugh in years!_

The tension eased from Naruto's face as he realized she wasn't angry and he observed her in shock and confusion as she tried to stop laughing. When she finally caught her breath, she straightened up and looked at him with a smile, "There's no need to apologize, you are my fiancée, one day not too far away I hope, you will be my husband and we'll do considerably more than that on our honeymoon. If you're always this funny, then I think we're going to get along just fine."

Neji Hyuga paused as he was strolling by in wake of what had been a surprisingly enjoyable date for him, "Of course, haven't you heard? It's destiny." Then he strolled away whistling jauntily and everyone stared after him wondering, _Did Neji Hyuga just tell a joke?!_

Then Shizuka turned back to Naruto with a smile, "Now, introduce me to this "ramen" you're so fond of." Naruto gaped, "You've never had ramen?!" "I must confess I have not," Shizuka admitted, "Seeing as how you're so fond of it though, I suppose I should try it and learn how to make it." An image suddenly flashed through Naruto's mind of Shizuka in nothing but an apron making ramen and he almost fainted from the nosebleed.

Shizuka raised an eyebrow as she smiled at him, "What a strange fiancée I have." Then she grabbed him by the foot and dragged him off down the street before pausing, "Which way is ramen?" All Leaf-nin present pointed east and she smiled, "Thank you!" She passed Anko dragging Iruka in a similar fashion and the two exchanged a look of understanding and with a smile and nod went on about their way.

When they made it to Ichiraku, the smell roused Naruto just in time to hear Ayame yell, "PAY UP DAD! I TOLD YOU A CUTE GIRL WOULD CLUB NARUTO OVER THE HEAD AND DRAG HIM IN HERE ONE DAY!"


End file.
